pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
