Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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