Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I love you.
Bad choice
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
