The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
