Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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