So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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