just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
