my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
