Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
