lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
