Apparently you make a good broom.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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