I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize