Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
