Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm going to jail i love you
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
