Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
