I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
