Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
