it's like heaven, but drunker
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
