she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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