By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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