If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
