you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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