What a fucking waste of an outfit
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
