he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
