Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
