I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
