That's when you crack a 10am beer
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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