i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
