my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
