We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
