This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
