He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
