if i can run in heels then i can drive
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just blew my weed a kiss
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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