I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
