Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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