billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
