It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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