What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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