We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
