my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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