this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
