I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize