There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
