you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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