Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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