If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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