I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
