Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
