I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
