he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
