I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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