just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
