I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They have beer where we have blood.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
