He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
