Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
