Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
