Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
