She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
