we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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