his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
