there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
