Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
