Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
