I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
