just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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