Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
