so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
