new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
