Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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