she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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