On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
